Things I’ll Never Understand

well i have been around a while and i’ve learned a thing or two
most have been forgotten, but there’s one thing i know is true
as i’m growing older i can’t help but see
all the little things that have alluded me
i sit here and i wonder. I’m amazed--i really am
at the growing list of things i know i’ll never understand

like politics and computers and woodworking and guys in sales
physics and how a car works and why we’re killing all the whales
why a funeral costs so much and why libraries don’t
and why is it that some girls will and some girls won’t?
why are we all here, is there some big mster plan?
well you can dd it to the list of things i’ll never understand

we he writes her beautiful love songs, and under the window he sings
he buys her pretty flowers and he buys her all these things
and he loves it when they’re shopping a,d he loves to go for walks
and he sits there ad wide-eyed rapt attention when she talks
then she dumps him for the guy who treats her like garbage in a can
well you can add that to the list of things i’ll never understand

and what the heck is calculus? i had it as a class
i spent the whole semester with my head stuck up my butt
derivatives and functions, i used to know what those were
there was some greek and squiggly lines and the rest is all a blur
turned my final test in blank and out the door i ran
well you can add that to the list of things i’ll never understand

well i am just disgusting, i’m completely self-absorbed
i’m a total navel-gazer, you must be completely bored
i lack definition, and i lace self control,and
by now you’ve searched the license for some matrimonial loophole
when you say you love me i’m a very happy man
but you can add it to the list of things i’ll never understand

© David Stoddard 2003